26/02/2015

friends with an ex (really bad idea)

We see each other out and about, I avoid, he stares, I stare, It gets
awkward. The whole situation is just awkward.
Nothing a jäger bomb won't sort out he said, Ha! Then please give me several.


So I totally wasn't waiting for him to come grovelling back to me or anything, cause that's what the internet told me was gonna happen. Well the internet lied didn't it. 
Number one rule, do NOT under any circumstances try to console yourself by Googling after a breakup, it will feed you lies, give you hope and tell you he probably never even cared about you. 
Not helpful internet. 

Breaking up is crappy, it's what to do afterwards that's the tricky part. You kinda want them in your life but then you know that's also a terrible, completely inconvenient, unrealistic and quite frankly just absurd idea. You broke up for a reason as everyone keeps on so helpfully reminding you, you know you need to let it go, give each other space and allow things to settle before you can get clarity. Of course people will have opinions, sod's law that they will all be different. What you choose to listen to is up to you. Everyone's situation is different , you've only got to look through the yahoo answers relationship page to realise that, and believe me I have. There isn't a single yahoo answer, relationship guru, woman's mag or blog post (ahem) that can tell you what to do. It's up to you. 

Personally if my ex texts me I wanna throw my phone out the nearest window, if he doesn't text me I wanna throw my phone out the nearest window. I've learnt two things from this, number one being I should really get my phone insured and number two being that I'm clearly not over this whole 'he doesn't wanna be with me' thing. So what do I go and do? I say "yeah sure lets be friends, won't that be nice". Well more fool me. 

Problems en-counted when trying to be friends with an Ex.
  1. You know you shouldn't but you cant help but want them to message you, ring you, snapchat you or even just like your Insta pic for Christs sake. Anything will do. Even if you don't want them back every girl wants to be missed.
  2. You cant help but wonder if one day they'll want you back in their life as more than a friend. Mixed signals are now a thing. 
  3. Your kinda waiting for them to find a hot new girlfriend and you know your gonna be one of the first to hear the good news, now`s probably the time to practice your poker face. 
  4. They will mess with your emotions and try to worm their way back in just as your feeling emotionally stable again and have started moving on. This is so true its scary.
  5. You will probably both cross that friends barrier because lets face it, its hard not to. I'm thinking drink will be involved, somehow it always is.
I'm honestly questioning my sanity right now, on what planet did I ever think it would be a good idea to remain friends with an ex. Problem is we broke up already, I can't now dump him as a friend, is that even a thing? I don't know. It could be but it's quite dramatic.

Its time to get sassy and empowered.
Step away from the Ex girls. It`ll save a world of pain.

Have you guys ever managed to stay friend's with an Ex? I would seriously love to know. 

23/02/2015

No 1) Start a to-do list


I sometimes feel like I'm the only person who doesn't write a to do list. Purely because I have nothing productive that I feel I can write down. Literally If I were to write a to do list it would most likely consist of about three very simple tasks such as make lunch, each lunch and watch the latest ep of PLL.
Earth shattering right.

I feel like people who write lists at the start of their day really have their shit together. They are motivated and organised, they actually have things to do, exciting things. There is generally nothing exciting about my day to day life. Things only ever get as exciting as trying out a new flavor of Nescafe instant coffee in my Starbucks mug. Today I had whipped cream and that for me, is exciting. Especially cause it looked pretty damn good, perfect swirl. Not that I'm gloating.

Anyway today I have started as I mean to go on and I took my extremely tired and somewhat hungover self to Tesco (drinking on Sunday night was a thing) to purchase a new notebook *drools* I know you know what I mean. Crisp white sheets, I say no more. I even got a new pen, those ones with the magic eraser on the end because old school feels.

I want in on this motivational, get up and go attitude, I want to get stuff done and I want to feel a sense of achievement at the end of the day. Could be something as simple as take the dog for a walk, even update my CV, something I have been needing to do for literally ages. I'm slacking, big time.
I feel that writing down a productive list of things I aim to achieve at the start of each day will actually give me some focus. There`s no greater reason to get something done that you've been putting off than if you write it down and commit to it.

I see Bloggers do this all the time.

If I'm ever in doubt that I can actually stick to this (as quite frankly I am right now) then I'm going to keep the words of Heather Small in the fore front of my mind "What have you done today to make you feel proud". If the answer is nothing then I'm tragically failing.

19/02/2015

10 commandments for a top notch lazy day


1) Shit loads of coffee, tea, hot chocolate, any hot beverage you can get your hands on, metaphorically speaking of course, don't wanna scold yourself. My personal fave, Yorkshire tea with two sugars.

2) endless access to Wifi, you need to be able to scroll through Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Bloglovin' and Pinterest at any given moment. You will need to refresh these feeds at least every 15 seconds because something super exciting may have actually happened whilst you looked away and had a sip of coffee.

3) a really cosy outfit is an absolute must, a onsie would be ideal but then there's the whole struggle of having to strip to your bra just to pee, highly inconvenient. I want easy access so I'm thinking joggers and a cosy jumper, at least then if the postman knocks I'll look decent enough that I can look him in the eye.

4) always be stocked up on food, perhaps you've skipped breakfast, I know I have. Ahem so moving swiftly on to lunch. Carbs a plenty.

5) because we are all so media savvy, its not enough that I'm watching TV, I also need my laptop in front of me and my phone at my side, preferably charging. I can multitask like a pro.

6) so whats on the TV? Hmm probably Netflix. Nope, Its definitely Netflix.

7) obvs we need snacks, I usually haven't planned this far ahead so it'll be anything I can find that I know my mum wont moan at me about eating, and no this doesn't include fruit.

*sidenote: it'll get to about 3pm and I will seriously start to wonder if I've even washed my face. Don`t judge.

8) I'll also usually try to do something productive because I'll start to feel lazy and useless, maybe search for some apprenticeships or something. This will result in me slamming down the laptop screen and comfortably returning to my gossip girl binge marathon. I tried.

9) I'll always crack out a recipie book because I kinda wanna be Mary Berry. My last attempt, egg-less pancakes, this wasn't by choice we just ran out of eggs. Really really bad idea, totally flopped, along with the pancakes.

10) absolutely no human contact, anyone messages, I'll get back to them. I'm busy being lazy guys.

18/02/2015

ultrabland (my HG cleanser)

So the name kinda sounds like the tag line for my life.


I'm not gonna lie, if I could get away with halfheartedly scrubbing my face clean every night using a baby wipe and nothing more then I totally would, preferably from the comfort of my bed. I am basically Caroline Hirons worst nightmare.

My skin is just something else, I get spots. They start to go and then, Ohh look two days later I have more bloody spots, everywhere. I have scars, everywhere. Obviously because of the stupid spots. Its all very relentless.

I'm not a review kinda person cause what works for me may not always work for you and vice versa, this is just something that has worked for me. Its the only thing I use on my face, no moisturiser, no toner, no exfoliators, no masks, nothing else. That`s not to say I don't own tonnes of products, I spend a LOT on skincare cause I'm still relentlessly searching for the key to flawless, dewy heaven. Unfortunately though my skin just isn't remotely bothered by the fact I could have spent £22 on an organic face oil. Ungrateful organ.
Since just stripping right back things seems to have all cleared up on their own, I still have spots (obvs) but far fewer and they don't look like raging red bumps that are about to explode anymore. Always a good thing.

The cleanser itself is basically a waxy kinda thick oil that you massage onto your skin, you've gotta rinse with a warm flannel afterwards though or your left with a very odd waxy face, yankie eat your heart out. It melts away makeup and all the other crap that somehow ends up on your face after a long day, and leaves my also very dry skin feeling quite soft and nourished for a change, no moisturiser needed.

In all seriousness though if you are at your wits end then this product is just a little suggestion for you. For around £10 it may just be worth giving it a go.
Fingers crossed ey.

13/02/2015

single and I'm not gonna cry about it

So I have a new favorite word. 
Prestige.
This emoji literally says it all.


And for added sassyness, this girl knows.


With it being V day in less than 24 hours (single girls unite as we belt out some Beyoncé) now`s the time to love yourself and accept that a guy doesn't define you. It's hard to feel prestige when your on your lonesome and just about everyone on the planet seems to have romantic plans on the most romantic day of the year.. Eurgh there may be absolutely nothing romantic about a gossip girl binge session and a Tesco's finest ready meal for one but I've decided that this year I'm not letting my singleness get me down.
So this word prestige, not even really sure what it means but it's my new go to word. Feeling prestige to me means knowing your worth, knowing that you are a hot, intelligent, witty young woman with the world at your feet, and well a guy would simply, get in the way. 
Reasons I'm feeling particularly prestige today (and they don't involve a man)  

- I got up at 8am without the use of an alarm, I literally sprung out of bed, this is just unheard of. 
- I just ordered two tickets to this years Wireless festival as a surprise birthday present for one of my best friends, sure I'm now relatively penniless for a while but I know it'll be worth it
- I made pancakes for breakfast this morning, pancake day next week, huh it's pancake day everyday in my eyes. Smothered them in Nutella. The only way to do it tbh. 
- I just booked my very first driving lesson, absolutely shitting it but seize the day and all. 
- Alongside writing this (too many tabs) I'm currently searching for a hot new outfit for next weeks Friday night out, it's a birthday thing so therefore a new outfit is very much justified.

Whats making you feel pretty damn good about yourself today?

So instead of being all down in the dumps about being single this V day instead be safe in the knowledge that just because you don't have a guy in your life it doesn't mean you aren't as sassy as that emoji girl, as hot as Angelina Jolie, as cool as Suki Waterhouse or as powerful as Anna Wintour.
Because even if you are sitting at home in your PJ`s eating Kelloggs cornflakes for lunch,
Your still killing it! 

10/02/2015

you'll never guess whose on tinder??

"So basically your online dating".
Uhh not what I want to be shouting from the rooftops thank you very much.
One of my best friends discovered my dirty little secret, she spied that little tinder app on my home screen, the one that reminds me quite a lot of jedwards hair, anyone else? 
I covered it up by saying how absolutely hilarious it is, that I only joined for the "banter", little does she know I'm taking this tinder business very seriously. 
It was sparked one day when my step dad asked me if I had ever considered online dating. Of all the people. The sheer humiliation, "umm I'm 19 and I'm not desperate so no, thank you very much" was somewhere along the lines of my response. When I think of online dating I think of sites for men and women  aged 40+ whose profiles resemble that of a lonely old soul in desperate need of some companionship. 
I hold my hands up I was wrong. Well maybe not wrong, just I realise that only covers about 5% of people searching online for love. Only problem is the words love and tinder don't exactly go hand in hand. I've lost count of the times a guys profile has clearly stated with no uncertainty, "ONLY looking for some fun", can I suggest monopoly then mate. I'm not saying I expect to find 'the one' I'm 19 I don't actually want to find the one just yet but I would love to find a nice funny guy who I can have good conversations with and if that happened to turn into more then fab.
By the way I haven't just copied and pasted that from my tinder account!


What to expect from Tinder.
  1. You will see people on there you know, my personal fave, limit the distance to under 5km, guaranteed shocker. "Who knew George from college was on there and I swear he has a girlfriend".
  2. Likewise you will find at least one guy who has a picture of him and his beautiful girlfriend as his main profile picture, not quite sure he understands how this Tinder thing works. I just hope to God no one actually likes that guys profile cause seriously why would you. 
  3. You will begin to feel like Simon Cowel, I don't mean your trousers will feel too high up and your chest hair will start to show but you will feel pretty damn powerful, your basically judging this poor guy in about half a second based on his face. Don`t feel bad though, its happening to you too.
  4. You will get those guys who only have group photos, how the feck am I supposed to know which one you are. "Like I'm secretly hoping your the one in the white shirt, if you are then Bingo, if your not then well I think I`ll politely decline" Ha who am I kidding there is no polite way to decline. Just gotta bin him instead.
  5. You can match with almost 20 people but you can be sure that only 1 will actually start a conversation. Call me old fashioned but I'm waiting, remind me why you liked my profile again.  
  6. The guys with a shirtless bed selfie and a pout plastered on their face as their profile picture, yeah, just do yourself a favor and don't go there.
  7. You will probably find your brother, your uncle and your ex on their so be mentally prepared for that. If you ever can be.
  8. You can only use pictures taken from your Facebook profile, um does it not know that I've privated pretty much 99.9% of my fb photos because I look bloody awful in all of them.
  9. There's only so many times you can browse through loads of guys faces before it really starts to all get a bit tiresome.
  10. It really kills your phone battery. eurghh. *exits app* 

By the way I suck at Tinder. 

08/02/2015

when your feeling a bit down

When I find myself feeling crappy about something I often just take a moment to think, is it really that bad? If the answer is yes and I continue to scream into my pillow and feel an overwhelming desire to chuck my phone at the wall then that's okay. No really it is (although my mum may disagree) sometimes you have to be sad, no explanation needed, you gotta wallow, cry, sulk, swear and hang your head down like you just wanna block everyone out. I've done it far too many times, I should know. Far too many people tell you to just 'pick yourself up, get over shit, be happy and move on' but life's not that simple, we all know that. Sometimes nothing can make you smile because your sad or hurt and your in a bad place, we all go to those places at some point. You feel trapped and lonely and it's horrible, horrible that no one else can feel even an ounce of your pain. But things will get better because one thing I've learnt is that they always, always do. 

If however I can let out a large sigh, get myself out of bed (even if it is just for a coffee in my ever so precious starbucks mug) and maybe even resemble just half a human then perhaps it's not actually that bad. It's the little smile that appears on my face when I see a funny picture, a dancing polar bear or a stupid meme that reminds me that I have it in me to be happy it's just up to me to search a little deeper sometimes. Allowing yourself to enjoy a moment as much as you possibly can is so much more empowering than just being sad.

Sassy polarbear

The little things.
  • Let's start simple, a Starbucks Caramel Coffee Frappuccino will never go a miss. Cream and caramel sauce if you don't mind. I am a Starbucks enthusiast btw, my phone cover is Starbucks for Christs sake. 
  • taking time out, the bathroom seems to be the one place in the house which is actually quiet and there's a lock on the door. That thing called privacy, I finally understand it. And all those lush bath bombs you've been saving for a special occasion, well this is a special occasion. 
  • this may seem weird but its so rare for my room to actually be tidy that when it is I just feel like I've accomplished the impossible.
  • A heart to heart with whoever is willing to listen haha! Whoever bears the brunt of this one, well I applaud you and I love you.
  • Having a chat with yourself, I don't mean a full on out loud convo, things haven't got quite that bad yet. I just mean take some time to think things through in your head, maybe you over thought something so much you've made it out to be 10x worse, I am always doing this and having a little word with myself usually leaves me feeling in control again.
  • Treat yourself, those new topshop shoes I got yesterday, totally shouldn't have done that, but I did and you know what, idgaf.
  • Finding a happy distraction, this blog is my happy distraction as is reading other peoples blogs. Blogs allow you to get to know a person and their inner thoughts and feelings, it truly fascinates me how diverse everyone is yet how alike we all are at the same time. 
  • Find something to look forward to. Something as simple as a cup of tea (Yorkshire does the trick) or something as grand as a girls holiday (Ibiza here I come baby!) 
  • I'm not someone who can cry easily, I could be heartbroken yet still find it impossible to shed a tear, know that it's okay to not be an emotional mess all the time, it doesn't mean you don't feel, it just means you can't always express these emotions. I find physically writing down my feelings really helps bring on the water works and I do love a good cry. 
  • Knowing that you are fab, you are amazing, you deserve amazing and nothing less, crappy situations don't stay crappy forever! Here's one of my absolute favorite quotes that I have to share with you! 


Chances are your not the only one having a bad day, Just remember Daniel Powter had such a bad day he had to write a song about it. 

04/02/2015

Netflix: a tv lovers dream

It's lunchtime on a Wednesday, well it would be had I not have already eaten at around 11 (got greedy). The TV is crap, as per, what is it about daytime TV that these people don't understand. I hate antiques, I hate house renovations (when it's not my own) and I'm sorry mum but I actually secretly also kinda hate loose women. This is where I have to cave, I can't go on when I know greater things lie just a click of a button away. I'm talking about Netflix of course.
I figured it needed a somewhat dramatic introduction. 
Netflix is like a TV addicts equivalent to the Makeup addicts Naked Palette, the holy grail, only a true TV master can commit to paying a monthly fee for hours and hours worth of screen time, either that or your just a really lazy professional procrastinator. I don't know if saying I've watched most of the series on Netflix is something I should be proud of or something I shouldn't be so keen to admit. I'm not even a tele-aholic, I only really care for home and away and neighbours (obvs). I just love a good American drama, in which case Netflix is a place of dreams. Netflix is also a curse, once you start watching something, and believe me you will find something, hours will pass without you even knowing, it's like Sims all over again, only slightly more graphic in places.

- I'm already well and truly into PLL, I'm even using the abbreviation cause I'm that clued up. I've been watching it since it started and I've gotta say I don't even really know what's going on anymore but I've come this far and I will be dammed if I don't find out who A is, it literally has caused me sleepless nights trying to figure it out.
- I'm also hooked on the vampire diaries, who doesn't love blood curdling screams and vampire teeth. I know I do.
- I've been tempted by orange is the new black, mostly because my last name is Black and I have orange hair so it'd almost be rude not to (This is why I could never be a TV critic). It has been recommend by everyone and their dog so it can't do any harm to check it out. I'm only reluctant because I know full well I'll get hooked then won't be able to do a thing with my life.
- I'm also making it a goal of mine, because I aim high, to watch gossip girl, I don't know how I haven't already seen it. On paper its like my dream TV show, hot guys, drama, romance, probably get a brand new girl crush obsession over someone, sounds fab!
- I'm also currently getting my teeth stuck into the originals (gettit!) a spin off of the vampire diaries, it's quite dark in comparison to the TVD but that's all good with me.
- And finally I am loving Dance Moms, the concept sounds painful, pushy over protective mums or moms, whatever you prefer, and their precious dancing stage school perfect children. Its ridiculously addictive and I promise you you will get emotionally attached to some of these kids, watching them try to make in the world of dance with a quite frankly terrifying teacher. I know I know, sounds crap, but trust me on this one.

I really love finding new series to get stuck into but I usually go by recommendations and word of mouth before I commit to anything. There's way too many shows on this thing that probably aren't worth a week of my time! And if I'm going to continue having somewhat of a social life I've got to be a little bit picky. Although saying that I can watch just about anything. 

Now I just gotta figure out what to watch.
Any Netflix recommendations?

01/02/2015

so worth the hangover

Something I've learnt, there's the normal way of getting ready for a night out, then there's my way. Run home, quick shave leaving me with blood dripping down my legs, top up day old makeup applied at 7am for work, lashings more mascara, take down hair, batiste like a crazy woman, shake it around like willow smith and out the door. 
Working a double shift on a Saturday until 10:30 is not exactly ideal. Knowing I was gonna see my ex for the first time was even less ideal. That just added to my pressure to look good, not even good, I wanted to look HOT and I had approximately 30 minutes to achieve this, pretty sure even barbie needs more than 30 minutes.  
Jumped in the cab, checking manically through my clutch when I'm in the taxi, no matter how many times previous I have gone through my mental checklist, phone, keys, ID, card, lipstick, money for taxi, Shit. Oh nope it's in the side pocket. I always have to do this. I go through it every time and funnily enough I've never actually forgotten anything, as of yet. Upon arriving at my destination, my friends were already well and truly sozzled, fair play, can't say I blamed them. Long story short, Its no fun being the only sober one so a few too many jagerbombs later and I had well and truly taken care of the matter. A night out for me can either go one of two ways, I drink too much and end up on the nearest sofa falling asleep or I drink too much and end up resembling a Duracell bunny. Last night it was turn of the hyped up, over excitable bunny. Damage was done, drinks were drunk, my ex was confronted and new friends were made, decent night out if you ask me. 
Upon waking up my head doesn't feel too pretty and neither does my bank balance but its absolutely true when people say the unplanned and unexpected nights out are always the best. I've been out 3 weekends in a row now, shameful I know, so to make myself feel slightly better about my recent wild behavior I've compiled a short list of promises I'm making not only to myself but to the internet to ensure I have a fun night out but also that I wake up with a clear head the next day. Mostly because the hazy uncertain recollection of whether or not I gave my number to the weird guy in the red shirt is not good. 

I vow

  • I vow never to drink another jäger bomb ever again, they are not, I repeat, not good for you!
  • I vow never to wear shoes that I can't walk in, it's a simple rule, one we follow most of our lives yet on nights out us girls make it so bloody difficult for ourselves. Stick to Flats! (Never gonna happen)
  • I vow never to leave the house beforehand on an empty stomach, devouring a burger and chips at 4 in the morning is not a pretty sight nor is it a good look. 
  • I vow never to bring my card out with me again, I use it like there's no tomorrow, hence my spontaneous one week spending ban.
  • I vow to remember that sweet, fruity, extremely alcoholic cocktails are not my friend.  
  • I vow to stay off my phone, that means no drunk texts to my ex, no emotional phone calls, no checking people`s snapchat stories to see if their having more fun than me and no unattractive selfies.
  • I vow to drink water in between drinks, so boring and so very unrealistic but its worth a try.
  • I vow to be sensible and bring a coat and scarf because whilst going home I may be slightly drunk but I am still very much capable of freezing to my near death.
  • I vow to book a cab in advance to go home and sort out money before we start drinking because trying to divide fairs when extremely tired and quite frankly not in a fit state is not fun, not for you and definitely not for the cab driver. 
  • But finally and most importantly I vow to carry on dancing like an absolute idiot, running man and all for as long as my heart desires.

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